from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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