Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
