i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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