He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
