I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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