I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
