wakey wakey hands off snakey
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
