i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
