She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
