i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
