Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
