If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
