Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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