Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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