i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
