Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
