If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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