dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
