i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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