She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
