it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
