So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
