JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize