I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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