Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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