You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
