You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
