And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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