bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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