Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
two words...techno handjob
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
