don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
