Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
