I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize