somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
