Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
