wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize