As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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