This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
