Yo dont text me then not text me
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
