How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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