my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
