ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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