You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
