I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
