Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
