Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
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