You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
