Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
