was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
