We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
