did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
