He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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