Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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