I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
