he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
