so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think I sprained my soul last night
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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