You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
