There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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