Pants 0. Shit 1.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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