O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
