They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How does it feel to date your dad?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
