It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just pee around me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
