I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
